i've offically lost my mind.

i'm down, way down, i couldn't get any lower unless i was dead. i feel such emotional pain that i wish i was at moments. i can't even understand it.

i've been plagued by these spells every couple months for the past little while. i get depressed, i flip out on everyone, i cry, i yell at myself, i get sick. i get confused, i lose my mind. i usually make up some excuse for it, like "im just stressed out," or "its cause brittany died..."

this time. i'm at a loss for making anything up. i truly have no idea whats going on inside me. it's such a deep pain, like it runs through every aspect of my life, every bone, every vessel..... everywhere.
suddenly everything around me crumbled.

sup with you?

Driving home the
sky started leaking and
waterdroplets began to colonize on my windshield.
I let them collect there, slowly
impairing my vision and already sub-par driving.
Traffic lights became mosaic
red, yellow, green combined to create
a Picasso piece of fine art,
hanging not on white museum walls but on
grey clouds and a hazy negative space filled
with squares and pentagons and headlight suns.
The mosaic moved and melted while
directing the grey procession of blurred beauty.

But, in fear of destruction, I removed the droplets.
Wiped them away until the art died and
in clear vision was a trail of clanking,
screeching, factory metal distinctly industrial
and not so beautifully slamming
on breaks due to the leader of the line
who was watching (possibly)
waterdroplets collect on his windshield as well.

I had a dream.
See you at the pole happened,
but before hand we went outside to see who was there.
A bunch of people were, populars, goths, janitors!
I got lots of hugs.
I had a dream.